Accountability!

I'm typing this up after I just scarfed down a strawberry/cream cheese muffin. I'm sitting here, trying not to beat myself up with guilt. It's hard, though...

I haven't weighed myself in MONTHS and I'm pretty sure I'm back over 200 pounds. Way to backslide! There's always a point where you can turn things around. I'm trying to turn things around and get to that point.

Social anxiety keeps me out of the gym sometimes. I know to some that would seem like an excuse, but those who are closest have seen me in the midst of a full-fledged panic attack from being out in social arenas. Yes, I work with the public. Yes, I go out into public quite often. But when I feel that fear gripping the edges of my psyche, it's very hard to talk myself off the edge and realize that the risk of being out in public outweighs the anxiety that comes with it.

That being said, I'm mustering up the courage to leave the house and head to the gym. It's not easy, trust me. I'm glad they're open for another six hours. That's at least four hours I can talk myself into going.

I even have to do this when I take the dog down to pee. Poor thing will be doing the pee pee dance while I'm trying to get over my anxiety shit.

I will definitely put up an accountability pic if I make it to the gym.

When. WHEN I make it. Not if.

Updated Measurements

So Ashley and I decided to put the scale away for the remainder of the month. We were getting obsessive about weighing ourselves and were focusing SO hard on the number that we lost sight of the bigger picture. Now I'm going to mostly focus on eating as healthy as possible, moving a hell of a lot more, and watching my measurements very closely. We're taking a road trip at the end of the month to visit our friends and family back home. The day we leave will be the day we weigh ourselves. I'm hoping to be out of the 190's, so keep your fingers crossed!!

I don't see much of an improvement in the measurements, but I know that will change. I've been half-assing my way through Zumba's "lose a dress size in 10 days" program, but once I pick up the pace and really focus, I know I'll see a difference. The Exhilarate DVD from this Zumba pack is CRAZY!! I'm hoping it gets easier LOL.

Okay, onto the measurements...

Weight: ---
Waist: 38 3/4"
Chest: 39"
Hips: 45"
Right Thigh: 26 1/2"
Left Thigh: 26 1/2"
Right Bicep: 13 1/2"
Left Bicep: 13 1/4"
Neck: 14 1/2"

Not much has changed from last time. My hips went down 3/4" and my left bicep went down 1/2". Let's see what happens next week! :D

First measurements

So I had my dear Ashley take pictures of me today with just a sports bra and workout pants. They will not see the light of day until I see some progress.

I might feel different in a week, but for now? I'm all bloated. I know that at some point in time, someone will come across this blog and will see the eventual progress I make and I'll inspire them. For now, though, I need to inspire myself.

I was recently given the Zumba Exhilarate system and they have a 10-day program. Supposedly you can drop an entire dress or pant size in 10 days following this program. I'm hoping this is what I need to boost the plateau I've been stuck on.

I weighed myself yesterday, the first, and also took measurements. I am super bloated since I just started my period, so these are not TOTALLY accurate measurements, but I can't let a little time-of-the-month bullshit to stop me.

Weight: 196.6
Waist: 38 3/4"
Chest: 39"
Hips: 45 3/4"
Right Thigh: 26 1/2"
Left Thigh: 26"
Right Bicep: 13 1/4"
Left Bicep: 13 3/4"
Neck: 14 1/2"

So that's that. Every Sunday, I will take a new picture and post up my photos and measurements, once I get over myself.

Wagons

I didn't just fall off the wagon today... I took a giant, huffing-and-puffing, running leap.

Yesterday I threw my back out while cleaning, so working today in the salon was rough. By hour 7, I'd had enough and was in near tears so I asked my manager if I could leave. I texted my partner that I was leaving and she offered me back rubs if I swung by her job (it's on the other side of the highway from mine). Offer me a back rub and I'm there with bells on.

As I'm walking into the building, she texts me to ask if I want sushi.

Do I even need to answer? Hell yea!

So I, of course, ordered something that was fried, crunchy, had shrimp sauce, etc. As did everyone else, of course.

Guess who wound up eating all of her own roll, plus at LEAST two more rolls? Yea, this guy. I managed that because as people finished THEIR meals, they gave me their leftovers. Who am I to deny deliciously yummy fried goodness in the form of sushi?

I also may or may not have polished off a chocolate bar with the tiniest amount of help from others.

Tomorrow is a new day. Even though Sundays are traditionally treat days (never a cheat, always a treat), I'm going to stick with something healthy. One day of splurging is enough.

Also... tomorrow marks the day when I will write down the measurements and put up my starting photo.

I have to admit... I'm kind of scared shitless.

First Post

Aahhh... a fresh, new blog to start documenting my weight loss journey. Nothing beats the feel of an empty canvas. I fought for a good 30 minutes with some layouts before finally giving up and giving in to Blogger's pre-made template. Einstein said it best, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

I guess that can also apply to weight loss. I live in a state where it's ok to be in a bathing suit for 90% of the year. Therefore, I am surrounded by weight loss clinics and fad diets. HCG is the newest fad. Eat 500 calories per day and put 10 drops of this yucky tasting liquid under your tongue! You'll lose weight! Yea, no shit. If ANYONE ate 500 calories a day they'd lose weight really quick! Then what happens when you're done? Do you continue to starve yourself and allow your body to eat away at its own muscle mass? Do you go back to eating like a total fatass and gain all the weight back?

Fad diets don't work, which is why they're such big business. People want success and they want it yesterday, not a year from now. I know I don't want to continue to be at this awful plateau (six weeks, but who's counting?!), but my way is the healthy way to get to the end. It's how I achieved a 45 pound loss last year and how I'll achieve hitting goal this year. I hope, anyway. I don't like to put time restrictions on things.

I'll be digging out the tape measure later to gather some info for here. I also need to figure out how to take a full body self portrait for my "beginning" photo. I'm still working out the kinks as to when I'll update progress photos and measurements. Maybe every week, just to be on the safe side. Even minor changes are momentous!

I love that I'm writing this post while furiously digging into a jar of dark chocolate-infused peanut butter. My, oh, my, do I have a LONG way to go...